The Window Seat Chapter 27

October 21, 2009

Usairway’s 1:00 P.M Washington’s Reagan to Providence

The trip had been impromptu. The Senate Banking Committee, chaired by Senator Dodd, had called a hearing for October 20th, on the State of the Housing Industry.
The National Association of Realtors welcomed the invitation, particularly given our commitment to extending the $8000 First Time Home Buyer Tax Credit which expires on 1 December 2009. The Association President was home in Texas. The President-Elect was speaking in California. The third choice, the Vice-President was available and an hour away. So I was ‘selected’ to present our case.

It has been my privilege to testify before various committees of Congress over the past couple of years. It is a fascinating process. You provide ‘written testimony’ at least 24 hours before speaking. At the hearing, you typically are one of many witnesses. Most often you are part of a panel. Such was the case on 20 October. The first witness was Senator Johnny Isakson of Georgia. He presented the Dodd Isakson amendment to extend the $8000. After his presentation, various Senators asked him questions. The committee is large with 23 members. About half were there at the beginning of the hearing. As the witness was a member of the Senate, the interchange was very cordial.

Secretary of Housing and Urban Development, Shaun Donovan, was the second witness.
He spoke at length and then was questioned. The difference in the questions and in the tone between the Democratic and Republican members of the Senate was profound.
The Senator from Kentucky, Bunning, really went after him, the administration, and the FDIC. It was a great confidence builder, when you were next on the schedule.

My panel included an economist from the Bankers Association, an economist from the Home Builders Association, and an affordable housing advocate from Connecticut. Each of us was given five minutes to making an opening statement, which recapped our written testimony. Just below the microphone, there is a digital time display and three lights, green, yellow and red. From 5 minutes to 1, the light is green. From 60 seconds to O, the light is yellow. At the end of 5 minutes, the light turns red and proceeds to count the seconds of you overage. Chairman Dodd was generous with the time. In other hearings, witnesses have been cut off mid sentence. In fairness, you know, BEFORE hand, that you have only 5 minutes.

Our panel began to speak about 1 hour and 55 minutes into the hearing. We continued until 2 hours and 50 minutes. The statements were somewhat predictable. Upon completion of my testimony, Senator Dodd, suggested the next time I testify before Congress that I be more ‘definite” in what I wanted Congress to do. The chamber laughed. It is hard for me to speak on these issues without passion and immediacy.


The questions were actually more valuable than the statements. It is where the conversation moves to substance and detail. With the exception of a critical remark from Senator Bunning, it went well. (He had asked about the National Association of Realtors recommendations for the GSEs: Fannie Mae and Freddy Mac. He did not like the answer that they were meeting, later in the week, to come up with recommendations. They have been meeting for a year, and will have recommendations in the next two weeks.)

At 12:30 we left the Senate Office building. The rest of the day and the next morning were spent lobbying and encouraging other Realtors to do the same. Forty Realtors had flown in from all over the country to speak to members of the House Ways and Means Committee and the Senate Finance Committee. Dinner responsibilities included thanking the Realtor volunteers and repairing for the ‘Hill visits.’ At breakfast, we did the same.

At mid day on the 21st, my work in DC was over. A 1 pm flight had a seat for me on it. The Reagan airport was fairly quiet. Security was quick and uneventful. At the appointed time we board a shuttle to take us out to the commuter plane lot. Usually, the bus is full, this day it was not even ‘half full.’ We boarded the plane. My aisle seat 3B was ready. After many flights this year with overfull planes, this was strange. There were no passengers next to me, on either side. None in front of me, none behind me. Most passengers were in window seats. No one was within ear shot. Had someone sent these passengers a memo, do not sit next to Ron, if you want some privacy?

The engines revved, and we had left. As I sat alone, somewhat comfortable in my silence, I could not helped smiling at life’s ability to teach: You must take it as it come, for you are not in control. You can only control how you react. It is so frustrating that it takes many years to begin to understand the lesson. The window seat was empty because many of my life’s travelling partners had already departed, my grandfathers, grandmother, and father. Their seat was empty. But that did not prevent me from talking with them. Each took a turn in the seat. While all of the talking was mine, they heard everything. It was not an empty seat after all.

My Mother's Eyes

It is an early morning with a full day on tap. John Mayer’s song Say and Cyndi Lauper’s song Time after Time are the inspiration for these words. Am always so surprised how music is such a powerful catalyst for emotion in me. Music has wrapped my entire life as blanket. Sometimes in challenging times, it may have been a wet, cold blanket…but it always with me; most often providing entertainment, on occasion release, and on rare occasions it enables me to experience the Divine. It is an amassing cipher.

This morning, music is the spring.

One of my very first sites as a newborn was seeing my mother and my father. While absolute recall of the moment is not really within my grasp, their faces are what I remember from my earliest childhood. More precisely, I remember their eyes. My father’s eyes are now only photographs and memories. My mother’s however are still very much a part of my life.

Both of my mother’s parents had beautiful eyes, too... My Grandmother Brophy has to most unusual color of eyes. They were an opalescent deep blue-aqua marine. You could not miss them, even through her glasses. Her eyes expressive, revealing eyes….You could see how she felt and what she believed in her eyes. My mother’s eyes are similar with communication and are a beautiful blue in color

It is true that life’s path shares some of its route on one’s face, but the eyes themselves are a constant. It is strange how the face changes but the eyes are a timeless window to the heart.

Recently, my mother had cataract surgery. She is celebrating the amazing improvement in her vision. She does not need to wear glasses except to read. What was really amazing was seeing her eyes again without sunglasses or regular glasses. You can see into her heart.

Overall, life has been very kind to my family.. We have worked hard to develop our skills and appreciate life’s gifts. We have also cared for each other intensely.

We have seen joy, and celebrated it.
We have seen loss, and have endured it
We have seen challenge, and faced it.
We have seen opportunity, and pursued it.
We have seen purpose, and engaged it.


There is in these words a life lesson. The Bible reminds us to honor and respect our parents. The contemporary version of the message is to celebrate the gift of your parents. Say what you need to say.

So look into the eyes of your mom and dad. Maybe you do not verbalize it…but let them know you love them. It will mean a lot to both of you.

The Window Seat Chapter 26

September 28, 2009

US Air Providence to Charlotte

It is an 8:20 flight from Providence to Charlotte. This is a quick overnight assignment for me with the North Carolina Association’s Annual Convention. The meeting is in Savannah. Yes the meeting is in Georgia, not North Carolina. My assignment is to bring the National Association of Leadership Team’s message and greeting to the Board of Directors and to the Past Presidents. For any of you in volunteer organizations, you know how challenging a meeting of past presidents might be. May of this group of ‘pasts,’ however, are good friends. Will be on a plane home before 9 am tomorrow morning.

Today, I am flying on United’ Star Alliance Partner, US Air. The plane is a full size plane with a three three configuration. It is Monday morning, and a surprising number of ‘tourists’ are on the plane. Not a lot of business people. After correcting a mix up with my ticket, new boarding passes are issued and I take my seat in 20C, on the aisle.

The male flight attendant is having an edgy day. “You are only allowed to put one item in the overhead. We are very full today, and if you put small items overhead, we will not have enough room. Then we will be late leaving because we will need to check the baggage. This will cause us to be late and WILL result in missed connections in Charlotte.” Maybe I just relate better to the carrot than the stick, but this is the approach. He repeats the same ‘instruction’ three more times. Maybe his ‘threat’ worked as there was plenty of room in the overhead bins and everyone was settling into there seats.

Next to me was a nice couple who did not speak. They point to the seat, silently asking me to get out of there way. She took the window seat, he took the middle seat. They did not say a word to each other. I said hello and received a nod. This will not be one of the window seat conversations that I most enjoy.

As we settle in, my favorite flight attendant comes back on: “The cabin door is now shut. If you wish to travel will us, you will not turn off all electrical devices….anything with an on and off switch.” (I cannot be the only one who wants to turn him off). Everyone complied and we did not leave anyone behind.

Have decided that this is a good time to continue reading Dan Brown’s the lost symbol. It is excellent. My seat mates say nothing, until beverage service. He says “orange juice and water.” They are served without looking up or over. Looks like I am going to get a lot of my book read. I do. (Pretty sure my seat mates are husband and wife; maybe they have taken a vow of silence between them).

As the plane lands, the flight attendant comes back on to thank us for flying US and a special thanks for following instructions. What happened to stopping when you are ahead? Thank you for flying US Airways would have been enough. (Maybe he was a Falcons fan. Ok, I really do not know what is going on in his life…but enough).

It was noteworthy that we left almost 20 minutes late, but still arrived on time. The real criteria for successful flying is arriving, arriving safely, and arriving on time. We did all three.

As we disembarked, my seat mates remained silent. My connection, hopefully with conversation, waited at gate E9.

In a crowd of silence

It is a beautiful summer day in August, August 30th to be exact. The weather is exceptional. In 2009, we have been squeezing the few days of great summer weather in a wet cloudy season. This is clearly one of them. It has been a very wet and humid summer in Rhode Island. This day began gray and turned to bright and blue.

Our immediate family has gathered to commemorate the one year anniversary of my first grandson’s birth and death. It is amazing that it happened a year ago. It is till somber and sad, but it is becoming ok. Myles’s father and mother are expecting twins in December. Our loss, and the life lesson that this event taught us, are becoming more understandable. He is in a safe place and we move on because we must. We take less for granted and the Thoreau comment about “sucking the marrow out of life’ is becoming so much more important. For a time we each wrapped ourselves in a cocoon of sorrow. It was natural and instinctive. We have morphed again, and are ready to assume the new life of a human butterfly. We are no longer spectators of grief, but rather the writers and actors of our own lives. Time may not heal, but time does comfort.

As we stand at the gravesite of Myles and my father, I am struck at the number of people buried at St. Patrick’s cemetery. Almost all of the sites have granite markers. Various colours, shapes, sizes with date spreading over 150 years as best I can tell. In some ways,it mirrors their lives: people of different sizes, shapes, appearances, wealth, age, etc. The names: Murray, OConnell, Carcieri, Metzger, Jones, Callahan, .etc. are almost all of European origin. It was distracting that some of the not yet dead spouses had their names on the marker without the date of death. I guess some people what to know where their final destination will be. Maybe I am more interested in where my soul will find a home, rather than my ashes, but this is a place where you can have your last word.

It is a great time of day, the gloaming as we gather. It is the time when the sun is low in the western sky, but has yet to set. It is strangely a very quiet time of day. Work is done and night is almost at hand, but not yet. It is a special time to be in the cemetery. No haunting here, just stillness. The sound of the water in the distance, and cars traveling down the road, create a white noise. This cemetery knows silence, minute after minute, hour after hour, day after day, month after month, year after year, generation after generation. As I look at the hundreds of monuments, often with more than two people ‘addressed,’ it becomes apparent that this is the most densely populated part of town. Yet still. Yet quiet. Bodies are not the only things buried here. So are thoughts, dreams, joys, sorrows, brothers, sons, sisters, daughters, mother, fathers, husbands and wives. The most important thing buried here is voice, the language of love. It is lost in the silence of the gloaming. Oh how I miss those voices.

The Window Seat Chapter 25

July 9th Reagan National to Providence US Airways 3:10 PM

It was a quick trip to Washington DC to ‘meet casually’ with the Senate Committee on Small Business on Health Care Reform. The Committee is chaired by Senator Mary Landrieu of Louisiana. Nine stakeholders were asked to share their perspective with the committee. It was a valuable invitation for me as a Realtor on behalf of our members: more than 300,000 Realtors have NO health insurance at all. A significant number of additional Realtors have limited insurance. When one overlays that most Realtors work on a contingent fee and are self employed, the issue becomes complex and very important. Our members want and need health care reform.

To be at the hearing by 10 am on the 9th I had flown down late the night before. With air travel so unreliable, it is prudent to travel with some room for error, or better yet room for correction: (with another flight between you and the last workable “ETA” estimated time of arrival). Unfortunately, that is no longer simply prudent, it is now required. Have appreciated air travel my entire life. That is no longer true; air travel is a necessary incontinence. Airlines regardless of brand have left customer service at the curb. They cannot handle to demand, are inept at problem solving. and are unsympathetic to their customers. (That has been my experience this year with Delta, US Airways, and United). Maybe the others are better, but I would not bet on it.

After a restless sleep in a non-descript hotel room: yes, another beige room, I met with my preparation team at 8 am. It was quite interesting, because Washington has its own language and health care reform has its own vocabulary. It requires the kind of focus and attention that my Constitutional Law Course at Holy Cross required thirty years ago. We review our talking points and the approach. The setting would be a panel discussion which would require initiative on my part to participate.

Meeting began. Senators Landrieu, Snow, Bond, Shaheen, Wyden, and Hagan were there. Most had long opening statements reviewing the importance of reform. Of the nine ‘stake holders,’ DC vocabulary, only two of us were small business owners: me and a manufacturer from Louisiana. The conversation was rather direct with most of the lobbyists articulating their group’s priorities. Participated passionately: “Many Realtors, especially in Rhode Island rely on the Hope Insurance Program: I hope I do not get sick.” That said, Realtors want health care reform, but believe that cost control must be part of the solution.

Enjoyed the opportunity to share our group’s needs. My closing included an observation that it was difficult to speak to this issue, because it was hidden from most Americans by the use of language. It was hard to understand what was really being said and the use of code words made it difficult to explain even to our own members. Senator Shaheen concurred that even the Senators had a hard time understanding: “Senator that is not very comforting.” was my response.. At the very end, there was an opportunity to suggest that the ‘public option’, the government’s own insurance plan, need not be a make or break issue in the health care reform debate. If we need to give it up for reform, then so be it.

The meeting ended and I was back at the security gate at National by 2 for a 3 pm flight. As I am getting into line, Senator Reed is also in the line. We greet each other, and frankly I am surprised he remembers me. We finish the ‘screening’ and make our way to the gate. He is on his way to Providence for Senator Dodd’s sister’s wake and funeral. We talk about my trip and health care. He listened closely. We also talk about the housing market and the challenge of price stabilization with so many foreclosures and short sales. It was very gentle. It was the kind of conversation with your Senator or Representative that you really appreciate. He listened and I listened. It was a discussion of public policy and the true nature of the market. There was an understanding that policy, and lack of policy, is a choice. There was also appreciation for the complexity of our problems and our solutions. But woven into the conversation, that these problems can be addressed and ultimately solved: no blind optimism, just the kind of determination that we needed to get through this and that we would. It was frankly pragmatic and encouraging.

We both got onto the plane to make our way home. His visit home would be overnight. He sat toward the front; I sat at 18C, an aisle seat near the end of the plane. As luck would have it, there was no one in the window seat. I had had my window seat conversation at the gate..

Matthew and Christina Wedding Toast 25 July 2009

Matt & Christina:

(It has been a tradition in our family for the grandfather or father of the groom to make a toast. My Grandfather, John Brophy did at your mother’s and my wedding 30 years ago).

This is an important day and a special occasion:
Important because Matt and Christina, from this day forward,
you are married, connected, one.
You are no longer simply with each other,
You are now ‘of’ each other.

It is a special occasion because we your family and friends witness, celebrate and seal this marriage.
We too are making a vow to protect you, your marriage and your
children. We do that freely and without reservation. This too is the union of the larger families: The Perieres, the Martins-Phipps.

Matt and Christina we love you.

It is fitting that this union is happening here at the water’s edge.
The sea, just as marriage and life, will have great ranges of experiences: Spectacular days like today, and stormy days like Thursday. Tides ebb and flow. Life and marriage will be too.
But your love will be the constant.
Your loyalty will be the shield.
Your family will be your safe harbour.

Your marriage will be built on trust:
You are handing each other your hearts. Be gentle and kind.
You are placing your dreams at each other feet, tread lightly.
You are placing your most precious treasure, time, in each other’s time piece
Do not take a day,
an hour,
or a minute for granted.
What you have in each other is a gift from God.

As parents, you do not choose your kids.
They choose you before they are born.
Matthew thank you for choosing your mother and me.
Christina, thank you for choosing Matthew as your husband.
We could not have chosen a better wife for him.
Thank you both for giving us Miles and siblings yet named.

May you bring out the best in each other.
May you take life as it comes.
May be you be your best selves.
May you live to see the smiles of your grandchildren’s children.

Finally we celebrate the beginning of your new journey:
Remember to listen to each other.
Listen then speak.
IF you do it right, you will be listening more than speaking.
It is time for us to listen to the heartbeat of your lives together.

God Bless and Good Luck Matthew and Christina.

Chairs of Love and Music of the Heart

It is the day before my birthday, just another day and another birthday. Isn’t it bizarre that we celebrate the birthday of the birthed and then to overlook the work of the mother? For whatever reason however, the mood that has wrapped me like a blanket is one of raw emotion…a sense of loving, a sense of being loved, a moment of purpose, and a moment of profound gratitude. My kids tend to tease me as some who enjoys action movies and romantic comedies. (By the way, Sarah Bullock’s new one, the Proposal, was very funny). In other words I tend to be sentimental and nostalgic. It is a chronic condition whose symptoms are becoming more ‘severe’ as I get older.

It is late afternoon…the weather is perfect: 78 degrees, bright sun, blue water, and a light breeze. It does not get much better than this. As I am writing this, the movie August Rush is on in the background. Have seen it a couple of times. Each time the movie ends for me with salted tears. Today will probably not be any different. The story is about two musicians who spend a night together. An accident results in a coma for the woman cellist. She becomes pregnant and gives birth to a son. Her father signs the newborn away to an orphanage. August is a musical prodigy, like Beethoven, and 12 years later he “looks” for his parents though his music. It is a clear presentation: music is his passion and the language of his love. The movie is about the search. In the end, his music does ‘find’ his parents.

On one hand, it may seem sentimental and trite, but that would be selling the movie and its message very short. It is the contention of the movie that everyone is given unique talents that must be discovered, developed, and dispersed. Potential talent is not wasted; it is just fallow, unharvested. Human beings have an innate ‘need’ to strive and soar. It is that well from which things like competition, passion, perseverance, and excellence all spring from. Ironically, we celebrate prodigies in academics, sports, music, etc. But we tend to overlook those prodigies of human caring. There are rare people, whose entire life ‘purpose.’ is in the energetic, effusive care of others. These people are as important as the great athletes, musicians, intellectuals, business people, etc. These are the people who ‘teach’ us what being human is really about. These are the best parents, husbands, wives, fathers, mothers, daughters, sons, brother, sisters, friends, neighbors, and people.

Take the time to ‘see’ these people around you. Let them teach you how to be more passionate as a human being. It is ironic that the more you share and love the more you are loved and appreciated. Who says there is no cosmic balance?

It has been a long tradition within my family to do special things for the people you care about. It takes many forms. One of my favorite ‘gifts’ has been the ‘chairs of love.’ It is a lot of work, but it is a great gift. You buy an unfinished chair. (My preference has always been rocking chairs). The chair is painted and personalized. Symbols, colors, quotations, memories are ‘marked’ onto the piece. It is not a formal work of art, but rather a ‘life quilt’ chair. My immediate family has made more than a dozen. Each is unique. Each attempts to celebrate the life of the recipient. My wife and my children made one for me. The base color is Chinese orange. It is bright. But it is the quotations, the sketch of Don Quixote and the symbols that give it such meaning. In our family, the rocking chairs are expressions of love.

So in this time of economic challenge, remember to celebrate life purpose: to be a caring person. Maybe we can also learn to live lives of ‘service’ to others. At least, we can learn to hear the music of the heart.